🤯 Coinbase Wants To Buy FTX! But Why?

Gm this is the doodhwala! The crypto newsletter that’s like your Gangsta friend who you call when a big fight happens. 👊

WE ARE JUST ONE CALL AWAY!

Here’s what we got for you today:

• 🤑 Rich Problems: Coinbase Is The Biggest Whale, But How?

• 🥊 Fight Right: CZ Wants To End Beef With The SEC

• 📈 Cheese and Charts: NFTs Are So Back Baby

• 🛠️ Resourcewala: How To DYOR

• 🍼 Doodhshots: ETH to $10K?

🙆 Coinbase Wants FTX

Speaking of exchanges that have beef with the SEC—

Coinbase ft. Bald Boi Brian is doing some elite Batman-level strategy building rn. 🦇

Over the weekend, there were 3 things that became evident—

• Coinbase has enough money to buyout countries

• Brian is a shopaholic, looking for exchanges to buy

• When no one's watching, Brian likes to sneak outside and dance to Bollywood music

Unsure about the last one (hope he does tho), but there is now proof that Coinbase is extremely rich. 🤑

Like Satoshi level rich. 🤯

How the hell did they get that money? 🤔

☝️ Brian wants FTX Europe

Y'all know about how we wanna punch Sam Bankman Fried in the face right? 🥊

Well, Brian has a different way of doing things.

Brian is in talks right now to acquire FTX Europe. 😵

Why?

Coz Coinbase doesn't exactly have a great presence in Europe, and they want to scale users there soon. 📈

According to Brian, the focus would be to expand its Derivatives market share in Europe.

And also—

It's becoming clear that people are shifting towards gambling trading in derivatives more, and it's an ever-growing market.

Win-win for Coinbase I say!

Get the users. ✅

Tap the geography. ✅

Put up a fantastic trading platform there. ✅

️ Brcan buy itz he’s basically Satoshi at this point.

Well if you're wondering how the hell our bald boi Brian is able to fund this new…ehm…Business expense—

We have some news for you. 🤧

Coinbase has $25 Billion in Coinbase Bitcoin Reeves. 😵😵😵

That's close to 1 million Bitcoins.

What does that mean?

Coinbase is literally on par with Satoshi Nakamoto, a personal friend of the doodhwala and founder of Bitcoin. 🥇

And we thought Grayscale was the biggest whale out there. 🤔

Once again, this was unveiled by professional Doxxing services company Arkham Intelligence.

Here's their official announcement. 👇

🤟 Will this get them in trouble?

There are 2 problems that can happen because of this.

1. Coinbase still has thousands of Bitcoin deposits that are unidentified by Arkham.

2. It's not what they're reporting.

One of the special things about Coinbase is that it chose to go public as a business.

And that makes everything a tad bit worse. 🙃

Because if it is true that they gave billions of dollars of Bitcoin on chain—

That's surely not what they've been reporting all this while in the public records. 📚

So it is sure they're in some 💩now.

The question to ask us is - How deep is the 💩?

Doodhwala's Take: Hey Brian, look man, we already have Satoshi on our side.

Wanna join the Billionaires milk drinkin’ club? 🥛

🥊 Binance Fights the SEC

Changpeng Zhao.

(CZ if you’re on a short-name basis with him).

The CEO of Binance and Binance just did something big. 👀

Binance hit a million users? Nope.

SEC gave a thumbs up to crypto? Absolutely not!

Binance is buying Doodhwala? Not yet but maybe in the future.🥛

So wtf happened? 🤔

Binance & CZ are fighting back! 🥊

Whom tho?

SEC (U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission).

In other words, Gary Gensler’s alter ego.

For those who don’t know Gary is SEC’s chairman. 😅

If you didn’t get this☝️meme, you’ve got to read this.

Let’s break down the whole thing:

The SEC dragged Binance to court on June 5, 2023. 📆

Why?

Two reasons:

• Claimed Binance was selling unregistered securities! 🚫

• Said they operate illegally in the United States! 🇺🇸

But But…

According to a spicy filing on Sept. 21, both Binance and CZ believe the SEC is just stepping way out of its line!🔥

Just like my neighbor does when he parks right in front of my house.

Here’s the full tea: 🍵

• Binance dropped a 60-page petition! 📚

• Claimed SEC is just imposing its rules retroactively! 🚫

• Accused SEC of having no clear guidelines for the sector! 🤷‍♂️

And they’re not just saying the SEC is overstepping, but it’s distorting the securities laws to claim power over the crypto industry! 🤯

It’s not just them! 🌟

Binance.US also reportedly filed for dismissal of charges! 📜

Now let’s see what happened after the SEC’s suit.

• Trading on Binance.US took a massive hit! 📉

• Binance.US let go of 30% of its workforce! 👋

• Volumes plummeted more than 98% from Sept. 2022! 😱

Even the president and CEO, Brian Shroder, said his goodbyes! 🥺

That’s why we pray to god to keep us away from three things in life:

👉 Courts (CZ didn’t pray properly)

👉 Hospital

👉 Toxic Relationships (I AM in one tho)

And lemme tell you one last important thing - it’s really toxic.

📈 Cheese and Charts: NFTs Are Back Baby

Move aside, you JPEG haters! 😎

NFTs are so back in action! Or, at least, that’s what the data has to say.

What’s the fresh milk about them JPEGs you ask?

Well, over the weekend—

Over 25,000 NFTs were traded on Ethereum! 😮

That number is the highest that has been recorded in close to 3 months.

As pure cow milk consumers, we have the urge to quickly call it a trend and say NFTs are SO GOING BACK to the MOON. 🚀🌕

But we must learn to set our lunar aspirations aside and delve more into what the data has to say.🤔

Here’s what the data can be interpreted as:

Although there is a huge spike in daily trades and activity, there ISN’T a significant increase in total volume captured on a daily basis. 📉

The milky translation?

There are more people trading, but they’re trading in small quantities.🤏

And it just so happened that these small trades have now led to a bigger number rather than creating a lot of volume. 😮

What do you guys think? ETH NFTs back to the moon?

Hit reply and let us know what you think! 👇

🛠 Resourcewala: Do Your Own Research

In a world overrun with tokens and coins, ever felt like you’re lost? 🌐

Everybody and their grandma are droppin’ coins, and it's your job to sift the gems from the junk! 💎🗑️

Let’s make DYOR (Do Your Own Research) your new mantra! 🧠✨

Today’s resource:

1. What’s the Big Deal with DYOR? 🤷‍♂️

2. The Step-by-Step Guide to Research 🚶‍♂️📚

3. Avoiding the Traps and the Craps! 🚫💩

LFG! 🔥🔥🔥

🍼 Doodhshots: ETH at $10k?

• 🐕 Stable Dance: Dogecoin shows Bitcoin who’s the boss in price stability during a crypto trading snooze! Who’s the real top dog now?

• ☁️ Google’s Buff: Google Cloud rolls out the red carpet for 11 more blockchains with added data support! Cloud nine, anyone?

• 🚀 Stellar Surge: Base zooms past Solana as its total value locked flirts with a cool $400M! Base to the moon.

• 🚨 Security SOS: API users, beware! OpenSea rings the alarm bells on a third-party security breach! Better safe than sunk!

• 🔮 Bold Prediction: ChatGPT sees Ethereum hitting a whopping $10K by December 2023! To the moon, finally?

🤣 Milky Meme Of The Day

If you want more doodh then, be sure to follow our Twitter, LinkedIn, and Instagram.

That’s all for today folks! See ya tomorrow!

Yo! Our legal and financial advisors (aka our good ol’ conscience) have asked us to add this boring disclaimer. None of what you read here is financial advice. We aren’t here to get you to buy or sell crypto. We’re only here to tell you what’s up in crypto today and make you laugh. So, if you screwed up on a trade, that’s on you G. Stay safe in the markets.

Today’s edition was brought to you by Ritik Gupta and Sumanth

Edited by: Arvind Krishna and Aakash Athawasya