🇺🇸 Bankman's Bankruptcy: Women and Bribes

Gm this is the doodhwala, the only crypto newsletter that’ll make sure you have a lucky day. Even if it’s Friday the 13th. 😲

Here’s what we got for you today:

• 💰 Social Media Meets Gaming: And gives us a new token

• 🇺🇸 Bankman’s Bankruptcy: Women, Bribes, and Binance

• 📈 Cheese & Charts: Coinbase Volume Drops

• 🛠 Resourcewala: Impermanent Loss? Not on My Watch!

• 🍼 Doodhshots: SBF’s Angry With CZ

 🚀 Brick’s Big Comeback!

You know how everyone talks about Bitcoin?

That it’s gonna go to a million dollars while every other altcoin is a piece of shit.

Well, there's a coin that can send Bitcoin maxis in complete shock! 🌊

What coin? BRICK.

Yeah it’s the native token of Reddit's Fortnite community. 🎮

After going down 80% in two months, it's back with a bang, going up by 110%.📈

Let’s see the numbers:

• It went up by 110% in just one day.

• Most people traded it on a place called Kraken. 🐙

• How much was traded? $750,000 in one day.

That's 8 times more than the day before.

But here’s the thing! 🤯 

No one knows why! 🤷‍♂️

No clear catalyst, no big news. BRICK just thought it was a good day to go up. ✨

Don’t know when my friend would just think it’s good time to give my money back. 😒

If you’re reading this, just give it a thought. Otherwise I’ll have to become Joey.

Tho Bricks was going up, Bitcoin went down a bit. 📉

 Now, you might be wondering, "What's the deal with Bricks?" 🤔

So, first of all it's an ERC-20 token, which means it's based on the Ethereum blockchain. 

Second, it was given out to the active folks of the Fortnite subreddit.

Gaming and crypto? Count me in!

A while ago, in August, lots of people wanted it. There were other coins from Reddit that were popular too, like Moons (MOON). 🌙

But, wait a sec! There's something to think about:

It's a bit hard to trade Bricks right now.

On Kraken, 2% market depth is just about $2,500 on both buying and selling.

Wtf is market depth?

So, is there a risk? 🚨

If there's not enough liquidity, the price can go down fast.

And if you bought it when the price was high, you might lose some money cuz you’re gonna get stucked in denial.

Just like you’re stuck thinking your ex was loyal. No, they were not just friends.

But hey, let's not be party poopers. 🎈

Maybe it's the next big thing, or maybe it's just having its 15 minutes of fame.

Either way, we’re gonna deliver doodh to you guys.🥛

Happy weekend, fam!

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📜 Bankman's Bankruptcy: Women, Bribing & Binance

Introducing you to Bankman's Bankruptcy, a new section keeping you updated on one of the biggest shit-shows of the 21st century, doodhwala style!

Samuel's in deep trouble, and there's very little doubt that he's going anywhere other than prison. 💀

Over the week and in hearings yesterday, Caroline Ellison—

A key witness to the FTX debacle and Sam's Ex-girlfriend testified.

And the revelations will shock you to the core. ⚡

🔍 Revelation 1: Sam Hired Prostitutes in Thailand

Hey look man, everyone gets horny. It's just human nature. 🤷‍♂️

But Sam's horniness has nothing to do with him hiring prostitutes in Thailand—

Rather has to do with his horniness with crypto. 🥱

One of the revelations that happened was that Alameda was supposed to go bust a long time ago. 😮

This was triggered after China froze close to $1 billion of Alameda’s funds on Huobi (now HTX) and OKX.

And what did Sam choose to do?

Bro hired hookers in Thailand to use their crypto Wallets and move funds out of Alameda. 💀

Kinda feel sad for the hookers NGL.

Moving millions through their wallets and yet they need to sleep with a vegan for all of this. 🤷‍♂️

🔍 Revelation 2: Sam Bribed Chinese officials

Okay, it doesn't end there.

The hookers’ strategy? Didn't work. 🙅‍♂️

The drugs strategy? Didn't work. 🙅‍♂️

So what did Sam do next?

He went to his lawyers to get things sorted. →Bribed Chinese officials for $150 million. 😳

My man is an official fraud, no doubt about it at this point.

Good luck defending this story in court. 🤣

🔍 Revelation 3: Binance lived Rent-Free in Sam’s Head

One of the funniest things that got revealed?

It seems that getting Binance out of the way was always the plan for Sam Bankman Fried. 🤣

In the testifications by Caroline, she was showing how Binance was a huge issue for FTX and Alameda—

And how Sam was quoting that Binance ruined Sam's life. 💀

But hey we're just delivering the fresh milk rn. 🥛

Don't judge us. 🫂

📈 Cheese & Charts: Coinbase Volume Drops

We all love mountains, right? ⛰️

Even a beach person would love to visit a fantastic peak. 🏖️

But both of them would hate it when the MOUNTAIN happens to be a graph of the total spot trading volume on Coinbase. 😔

Yeah, so Bloomberg came out with a report—

That showed how Coinbase spot trading volumes had fallen to a mere $76 billion in Q3. 📉

That’s a 52% drop in volume in comparison to Q3 2022. 😨

Not just that, they also stated these were some of the worst numbers done ever since they got listed on the NASDAQ in 2021.

It’s not just Coinbase tho. 🙅‍♂️

The other bald owner’s exchange Binance has had significant drops in volume over the past year as well.

We wrote about them a few days ago here.

Why are they so bad, especially when web traffic on sites like—

• HTX (prev. Huobi) - Up by 200%

• Gate(dot)io - Up by 143%

• CoinW - Up by 66%

Answer?

Gary Gensler and the SEC. 😠

Coinbase and Binance are getting screwed a lot—

And that makes it a lot more favorable for the ones who aren’t under their radar. 👀

What do you think? Will their volumes bounce back? Or fizzle out? 🤔

Hit reply and let us know what you think! 👇

🛠 Resourcewala: Impermanent Loss? Not on My Watch!

We've all been there.

You stake your cryptos in a fancy pool, hoping for those juicy yields, and BAM! Impermanent loss sneaks up on you.

Ah, if only there was a guide, like, I don't know... 6 WAYS to dodge this loss! Well, guess what? Today’s your lucky day. 💯

In this sizzling hot resource, we’re cover:

🔸What even is impermanent loss?

🔸Why does it matter?

🔸And, the golden list: 6 hot-takes to steer clear of it!

READ TIME: Quicker than it takes to lose your gains to IL! ⏱

LFG! 🔥🔥🔥

[Button text: Dive into the IL Guide!] 🚀👉📖

🍼 Doodhshots: SBF’s Angry With CZ

• 🦆 Platypus Plunder: DeFi protocol Platypus gets hit with a second flash loan attack in just 9 months. Deja vu, anyone?

• 🏝️ Bold Belief: Prime Minister of the Bahamas stands firm, declaring crypto is here for the long haul. Sun, sea, and satoshis!

• 📄 SBF's Secret: Court docs reveal SBF accused Binance of leaking a balance sheet to CoinDesk in a spicy internal memo. Insider tea, anyone?

• 🎵 Musical Move: Jack Dorsey's Block makes a acquisition, snapping up music-centric financial startup HIFI. Play the money tunes!

• 💸 USDR Unstable: USDR Stablecoin takes a nosedive, losing its peg and plummeting 50% in mere hours. Too stable!

🤣 Milky Meme Of The Day

If you want more doodh then, be sure to follow our Twitter, LinkedIn, and Instagram.

That’s all for today folks! See ya tomorrow!

Yo! Our legal and financial advisors (aka our good ol’ conscience) have asked us to add this boring disclaimer. None of what you read here is financial advice. We aren’t here to get you to buy or sell crypto. We’re only here to tell you what’s up in crypto today and make you laugh. So, if you screwed up on a trade, that’s on you G. Stay safe in the markets.

Today’s edition was brought to you by Ritik Gupta and Sumanth

Edited by: Arvind Krishna and Aakash Athawasya