Just 🤏 $3.8 billion in Crypto Hacks

Gm, this is the doodhwala, the newsletter that makes crypto uncomplicated. Seriously, we should be in a Khaby Lame video. 🤷‍♂️

Here’s what’s on the plate today:

• 👌 Big Winners and Losers of 2023

• 🤑 North Korea’s favv laundering tool

• 😳 $3.8 billion in one year!!

• 🐦 Twitter’s got Web3 comp

• 🤣 Milky Meme of the Day

Amiright? 👇

🤓 We read a 153-page report so that you don’t have to.

ARK Invest.

No, that's not Indiana Jones’ garage sale of all the treasure he's found. It’s actually a billion-dollar investment firm run by Catherine Wood.

Every year, ARK Invest puts out a 🔥 report called “Big Ideas” which talks about some trends in industries they invest in. And every year, there's some cool things about crypto.

We read 153 pages of the 2023 report and pulled out all the 🌶️ crypto bits for you.

Since this is the Big Ideas + we’ve got the BDE (Big Doodh Energy), let’s do the:

🤩 BIG WINNERS🤢 BIG LOSERS

🤩 BIG Winner: Bitcoin

Bitcoin is down 65% since its all-time high, but other than the price, 3 important long term metrics are doing JUSSST FINEEE. 👌

1️⃣ Hashrate Bitcoin’s hash-rate reached an all-time high in 2022.

2️⃣ Hodling: There are 43.5 million addresses with Bitcoin balances of more than 0.

That’s about 34% up in 2 years, despite the price going from 🚀 to 💩, which shows steady accumulation.

3️⃣ Adoption: From your chachu to BlackRock, everyone wanna adopt about BTC.

🤩 BIG Winner: DeFi

With all the bad stuff going on in CeFi right now, DeFi will only improve.

The first winner of DeFi will be – decentralized exchanges.

Since the FTX 💩 show, trading volume on DEXs has reached ~12% of the total crypto trading volume.

(that's almost 3x what it was at the start of 2022)

🤩 BIG Winner: L2s

The top-2 Ethereum L2s are doing hella well, and will continue to scale (get it?) in 2023

Wtf is an L2?

❌ L2 isn’t some cutesy thing to tell your girlfriend, “I L2 you ❤️”✅ L2 is Layer 2 on an existing Layer 1 chain that offers better scaling and speed.

🔥 Hot take alert 🔥

The daily transactions and active addresses of Arbitrum and Optimism will likely shoot ☄️ past Ethereum in 2023.

Now, let’s hand out the BIG Ls.

🤢 BIG Loser: Decentralization

That’s right, the big word that all crypto bros had to memorize — decentralization — will be a big loser in 2023.

This is because of:

• Ethereum staking: 5 entities hold about 80% of staked ETH, and 3 of them are exchanges 💀

• Alternative L1s: New L1s are springing up but a large chunk of the tokens are held by — founders, private investors, and closed foundations (think Aptos, Binance Smart Chain, etc.)

🤢 BIG Loser: Centralized Finance

The BIGGEST loser in 2023 will be centralized finance institutions.

CeFi lenders (like Celsius, Voyager, and BlockFi's) market share is being taken away by DeFi lenders like Aave, Compound, Maker, etc.

This will bring deep-pocketed institutional investors on-chain and into self custody too. 👀

CeFi exchanges will also scramble and lose market share to DEXes.

The sweet spot is 20-25% of all volume moving on-chain i.e. from CEX → DEX.

Alexa, play Let's Talk About DEX baby by Doodh-N-Wala. 🎶

All of this ☝️ is great, but here's ARK goes a lil too crazy with their "pReDiCtIoNs," so we gotta give you a warning.

Doodhwala’s ⚠️ warning:

If you know ARK, you’ll know they give CRAZZY price predictions with their CRAZZY insightful reports.

So, here are 2 predictions in the ARK report + our warnings.

By 2030, ARK expects:

1️⃣ Bitcoin to reach $1 million per coin

That’s a 41x gain in the next 7 years 🤯

Alright, this is pure 🤞 hopium 🤞 at this point.

Yes the fundamentals are intact, but don’t go an believe any rando fund or trader’s BTC prediction (even if they’re worth millions).

If everyone’s throwing out WHACKY predictions, here’s one — we think Bitcoin will reach 169 doodh bottles + 47 Paneer packets + 23 Dahi dabas by 2023.

Why those numbers? No idea. 🤷

Take That ARK. 👊

2️⃣ Smart contracts blockchains to reach $5.3 trillion in market value

For context, the top-8 blockchains are worth $300 billion in market cap (out of that, Ethereum is $200 billion).

Again, this is major 🤪 talk.

What we can say is public + smart contract blockchains will bring a TON of value, but how much that value will be is hard to measure.

🤷‍♂️

🎮 Gameswala: Cinema Chokra

Had your daily dose of doodh yet??

Our macha Alex is judging you from the 1971 Cult Classic by legen-dairy director Stanley Kubrick 🎥

Can you guess the movie? 👀

(answer at the 👇 bottom👇 of the email)

🪙 Flippening: The biggest question in crypto

Everyone asks us about The Flippening.

👉 What is the Flippening?👉 When is the Flippening?👉 Will the Flippening happen?

Tbh, we don't know 🤷‍♂️

We're just your friendly neighbourhood doodhwala. 🥛

But what we do know is you can get weekly crypto updates from our friends over at The Flippening.

Yup, check it out 👇

🤑 North Korea’s favv money laundering tool.

North 🇰🇵 Korea as a nation is advancing SUPER quickly.

🏏 In sports? No.🤝 In diplomacy? Lol no.✍️ In producing the best newsletter talent? Nah (the crown still belongs to 🇮🇳)

Big man Kim’s nation of super geniuses are advancing quickly in…hacking.

No, not biohacking where they drink doodh every hour before going to bed. 🤦‍♂️

We are talking about real hacking.

Real CRYPTO hacking. 👨‍💻

North Korean hacker group has shattered all their previously held record.

In 2022, the group stole around $1.7 billion worth of crypto, which is close to 4x the amount they stole in 2021. 😅

And what do they do after stealing it?

Buy a pool full of doodh

Mix it, baby! 🤙

The hackers usually send the stolen money through something called a mixer. 💰

What is it? 🤨

Mixer is a tool used to mix up the transactions so that anyone who is tracking these wallets will find it almost impossible to do so.

And the top mixer that everyone was using so far — Tornado Cash. 🟢

But unfortunately, Tornado Cash was sanctioned in August of 2022 and a developer who contributed to Tornado Cash was arrested because it was allegedly being used for money laundering. 🤦‍♂️

Since then, the North Korean hackers have been looking for other mixers.

And they finally landed on Sinbad.

No, it’s not the dude from Arabian Nights. 🥲

Sinbad is a relatively new “custodial Bitcoin mixer”.

Basically, the hackers:

👉 Steal the dough

👉 Convert to BTC

👉 Send the BTC to Sinbad

Using this approach, the hackers have sent over 1,429.6 Bitcoin worth $24.2 million, to the mixer. 💰

Damn, that’s a lot of dough! 🤯

So how do we stop this?

Sanction Sinbad as well? Nah.

A Jafar might show up next. 🤷‍♂️

Unfortunately, until the cybersecurity capabilities of the people investigating these hacks don't increase...we'll always be looking for a band-aid fix. 🤕

Sanctions on tools that weren't JUST created for money laundering won't work bruh. 🙈

🛠 Resourcewala: How to Get Swole Professionally

In today’s Resourcewala we’re trying to dig deeper ⛏️

What do you mean??I’ve already dug myself deep into a pit of despair after doing crypto😢

Don’t fret an OG (Chris Dixon) in the space is bringing us his insights into professional development

Follow these steps to ensure so that you can drink those glasses of success 💸

Step 1: Read the doodhwala 🥛Step 2: Follow step 1

📈 Chaach and Charts: Biggest year for hackers

2022 was the biggest year in crypto.

The BEST ever crypto newsletter launched with the WORST jokes and grammar. 🤷‍♂️

Apart from that, 2022 also saw the BIGGEST hacks in crypto.

How big?

Umm…$ 3.8 BILLION kinda big. 😅

Yup, it even beat last year’s record of $3.3 billion, making it the biggest year for crypto hacks in history.

And most of these hacks came in October of 2022 with over $775 million stolen just in that one month. 🤯

Didn’t know Dussehra was also the fav season for hackers 🥲

🍼 Crypto doodh shots: Twitter’s got competition

• 🛒 Jug Jug Jio: Reliance Retail announces plans to accept payments in the digital rupee (not the digital doodh tho)

• 🐦 Bird in Trouble: Nostr, a decentralized social network, got its Twitter-like Damus app listed on Apple's App Store

• 🇮🇩 New exchange, who dis? Indonesia’s trade ministry is all set to launch a national crypto exchange by mid-2023

• ⚠️ Al-beda: Over $8 Million in crypto assets transferred to Alameda Research's Wallet by Bitfinex

• 🦄 Unicorn troubles: Uniswap is set to add a new bridge between ETH <> BSC, but VCs have a problem

😂 Milky Meme Of The Day

💰Answer💰

Let us know what you think 👇

If you want more doodh then, be sure to follow our Twitter (@DoodhwalaDaily)

That’s all for today bhaiyo aur bheno! Naale Sigona!

Aakash "Dahi Cheeni" Athawasya & Arvind "Doodh Peda" Krishna

Yo! Our legal and financial advisors (aka our good ol’ conscience) have asked us to add this boring disclaimer.

None of what you read here is financial advice. We aren’t here to get you to buy or sell a crypto. We’re only here to tell you what’s up in crypto today and make you laugh. So, if you screwed up on a trade, that’s on you G. Stay safe in the markets.