🦄 Apple TAKES ON Uniswap

Namaste, this is the doodhwala. The crypto newsletter that’s as exciting as watching Jon Jones make a SUPER UFC comeback. 🥊

Our boy won the World Heavyweight Title in 2 minutes. 😅

(that’s how long you last…when reading the doodhwala newsletter lol)

Here’s the fight card for today:

• 🦄 Apple takes on Uniswap

• ⛔️ Bitcoin Security Under Threat

• 📈 Indian Devs are 👑

• 🛠 From Banking → DeFi

• 🍼 SBF’s only phone

🦄 Apple takes on Uniswap

Apple.

The company that makes phones that cost as much as my yearly rent is stopping a MAJOR crypto wallet from launching.

Uniswap, the largest decentralized exchange (DEX) in the world is launching a wallet.

Yes, just what we need. Another mobile wallet 👏 👏 👏

Mobile wallets are like the new ICO tokens, everyone is launching one even though no one asked for it. 🤣

Here’s the TLDR on the wallet:

• Custody: Self-custodial + open sourced wallet

• Chains: Ethereum, Polygon, Arbitrum, and Optimism

• Functions: Swap cryptos, track prices of tokens + NFTs, connect to DApps

But the app is only available to 10,000 Apple Testflight users.

TestFlight is not a new flight simulator. If it was please sign up Air India pilots and staff for it, they’re sooo bad 😭

TestFlight is a closed testing software before apps go live on the Apple App Store.

So, why is Uniswap, which:

• has 30k unique daily active users

• processes half a billion in trading volume

• has a token with a $6.5 billion market cap

…rolling out their mobile wallet app to only 10,000 users?

Honestly, they don’t even know why. 🤷‍♂️

This is what Uniswap said:

“So why a limited early release from a team committed to access for anyone? Simply put, Apple won’t green-light our launch, & we don’t know why.”

They even tried to meme:

👍 10/10 for the movie choice

🫴 5/10 for the Tim Cook joke

👎 0/10 for the effort (I mean they just changed one letter from the original meme 🤣)

So, why is Apple acting like the traffic police when a VIP politician comes to visit my city and I’ve gotta sit in traffic for 3 hours waiting for him to pass?

We took a 👀 at Apple’s developer docs for crypto apps and the problem is — Uniswap is not an “approved exchange.”

A crypto app on the App store falls into the following categories:

1️⃣ Wallet2️⃣ Mining3️⃣ Exchange4️⃣ Initial Coin Offerings

Uniswap is a 3️⃣ but it’s launching a 1️⃣ (in our eyes, Uniswap is a 10 tho 😘).

Apple has to individually ✅ approve every exchange that launches an app on the App store.

And Uniswap is not an “approved exchange.” So, it can’t launch it’s wallet.

In fact, we found 2 queries on Apple’s Developer forum from 2021 and 2022 on the same topic – ‘HOW TF DO I GET MY EXCHANGE APPROVED/VERIFIED’

But there was no answer. 🤐

So, what’s the solution?

Right now, all Uniswap can do is wait (and while their at it, improve their meme game, I mean seriously “Let Tim Cook?” comemon Hayden!!)

But people within the crypto space think that waiting for Apple to approve a DEX like Uniswap is almost as stupid as waiting for the Uber not to cancel on you after he hasn’t moved in 5 minutes 🙄

The solution?

According to 1inch founder Sergej Kunz – introduce a web3 terminal.

Web3 terminal is not yet another terminal at the Delhi airport. It’s a terminal to launch an app on a mobile device.

Right now the only app terminals are:

👨🏽‍💻 App Store (for iOS)

▶️ Play Store (for Android)

Kunz is thinking of a decentralized hardware wallet that can support Dapps.

And this brought out a bunch of Solana maxis to pitch the Saga phone, Solana’s Android phone.

Doodhwala’s take:

From the 30% Apple Tax to acting as a gatekeeper for exchange wallets. Apple is too big and too annoying rn. 😒

But what’s the solution?

Going off Apple and the App store and launching through a web3 terminal (like a hardware wallet or an L1 blockchain phone?)

Nah man. This gives wallet access to people who already have wallet access. 🙈

That ain’t solving a problem G ✊

Gotta find a way to get Apple + Google to allow cryptos apps on their terminals. Or stick to web apps. 🤷‍♂️

🥛 Into the Doodhverse: From LSDs to the Assamese

💊 Get high on our supply

LSDs.

Everyone is using them.

But not the druggie kinds ❌

I’m talking about Lquid Staking Derivatives (LSDs) ✅

LSDs are a cool way to stake crypto on PoS blockchains using third-party protocols that pool a TON of crypto and give stakers a derivatives of that.

To understand how LSDs work – the Web3 Normies talk to Amitej Gajjala, founder of Stader Labs, a liquid staking protocol.

🌶️ Build a Career in Web3

Let’s face it, getting into web3 ain’t easy.

Getting a job in Web3 is waaaaaay harder.

Especially not if you’re based in Tier 2 and Tier 3 cities in 🇮🇳.

But location shouldn’t be a 🚪 to get into web3 should it? OF COURSE NOT!

We, at the doodhwala, wanna help all local communities understand web3 + use DApps + make a career outta it. That’s why we’ve partnered with Web3 Assam as content partners for the Web3 Adda

Check out Web3 Assam 💪 and if you’re in Guwahati drop into their ADDA.

(you might even win some doodhwala SWAG 😉)

⛔️ Bitcoin Security Under Threat

Bitcoin Security Budget.

Now, that’s something we didn’t know existed. 😅

Is it like our annual budget session where the Finance Minister comes out with a mysterious briefcase? 🤨

Nope. That’s not it.

Bitcoin Security Budget is the money that is paid out to Bitcoin miners.

And Bitcoin miners get paid in 2️⃣ ways:

• Rewards for mining or “creating” new Bitcoin (Block Rewards)

• Rewards for processing transactions on the Bitcoin network (Transaction Fees)

The higher the budget 🔺, the more secure the network 🔺.

Simple.

Bitcoin security budget has been gradually rising in terms of $$$ value.

According to this Dune dashboard, the security budget was 343k BTC in 2022.

That’s around $9.7 BILLION! 🤯

So to attack Bitcoin through a 51% attack, it would have cost at least $9.7B in 2022. (This is excluding the hardware costs, ofc, which will be in millions 🤷‍♂️)

Pretty decent amount.

Both Ambani and Adani can still attack it if they chose to. 😅

But here’s the BIG problem:

Out of the 2️⃣ components of the security budget — block rewards + transaction fees —

💰 Block Rewards contribute → 98.4%

💰 Transaction Fee contributes → 1.6%

And the issue with Block Rewards is that it keeps reducing every FOUR years. ( cuz Bitcoin Halving)

So transaction fees really need to pump up!

The only way that happens is if people ACTUALLY use the Bitcoin network.

As Biggie said…

Until recently, the Bitcoin network was only used to send Bitcoin from:

👉 me to you

👉 you to me

👉 me to someone else

👉 someone else to me

Then came Ordinals (a.k.a Bitcoin NFTs) and the transaction fee shot up! 🔥

In February 2023, $1.34 million in transaction fees has been spent on creating Ordinals. 😎

That’s 10% of Bitcoin transaction fees in February! 🤯

However, despite the initial craze around these Ordinals, the trend is slightly declining.

But it showed what’s possible.

Doodhwala’s Take:

More and more experiments on using the Bitcoin network effectively are needed desperately. 😭

Not just for the fun of it but for the sake of Bitcoin’s long-term security.

Otherwise, any billionaire with over $10 billion net worth can “theoretically” attack Bitcoin. 😬

We are looking at you, Warren Buffet.

📢 REFER AND WIN some doodhwala merch 📢

For the first time evaaa, we're giving away the doodhwala merch.

But it's not lame t-shirts with some random company name, but super cool stuff like:

😜 stickers – for your 💻, 📱 and 🚽📘 notebooks – to write your crush's name🍺 mugs – for your doodh, and NOT your beer!!👕 t-shirts – with totally non-controversial things (promise 😉)🧥 hoodies – because we wanna keep you warm in the crypto 🥶 winter🎁 mystery box – with some super cool prizes that’s worth more than 1 Bitcoin

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All you gotta do is share the doodhwala with this link (only available on email, not on web view) 👇

📈 Chaach and Charts: Indian Devs, Assemble!

Started from the bottom, now we HERE! 🔥

This is not only a top song from Drake but this is also how we describe our Indian devs. 😎

From being TOP I.T. support → TOP talent in crypto.

We ballin’ hard! 🚀

And when it comes to hackathons, we ballin’ as well.

India has the HIGHEST number of participants in the upcoming Solana GRIZZLYTHON. 🤯

That’s a hackathon with prizes over $5 MILLION. 💰

We have over 2,400 participants, which is 2x more than the country in the second place.

Hopefully, some great projects come out of this hackathon. 🤞

🛠 Resourcewala: Crypto Banking  

Since the dawn of time, banks have been annoying af. 😭

From making you wait till they finish lunch to loaning out millions to the rich.

Everything they do has been 🤮.

But crypto promises to be a much better system than banks.

Is it really though?

Today’s resource answers exactly that question! 👇

• Bank of the future

• What do Banks do today?

• What will Banks of the future do?

So let’s dive into it! 🔥

🥃 Doodhshots: SBF’s only phone

• 🪦 Tomb-raiders: Egyptian authorities detained 29 people for running a crypto-mining and trading scam earning them $620k.

• 🍀 Re-fund: Kevin Owocki, the founder of Gitcoin, unveils Supermodular, a venture-studio for regenerative finance (ReFi) Web3 projects.

• 🇬🇧 UK says NO innit: Two huge UK banks are making it hella difficult for their retail customers to invest in digital assets.

• 📵 No phones allowed: A US judge imposes a new bail condition for FTX CEO SBF – he can’t use a smartphone, tablet, or a computer. Only a FLIP phone.

• ⚽️ Ballers caught: Alan Rogers, a premier league footballer, was one of 8k customers who lost money in a crypto investment group that vanished in the UK.

😂 Milky Meme Of The Day

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That’s all for today bhaiyo aur bheno! Naale Sigona! Aakash "Dahi Cheeni" Athawasya & Arvind "Doodh Peda" Krishna

Yo! Our legal and financial advisors (aka our good ol’ conscience) have asked us to add this boring disclaimer.None of what you read here is financial advice. We aren’t here to get you to buy or sell a crypto. We’re only here to tell you what’s up in crypto today and make you laugh. So, if you screwed up on a trade, that’s on you G. Stay safe in the markets.