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  • 💘 Lawyers are hiring CRYPTO hunters

💘 Lawyers are hiring CRYPTO hunters

PLUS: Tornado Cash's $4 million DAO hack

Namaste, this is the doodhwala, the only crypto newsletter that'll save you a slice of the pizza. 🍕

HAPPY BITCOIN PIZZA DAY!!

On this day (May 22) back in 2010, some dude bought 2 Papa Johns’ pizzas for 10,000 BTC. At the time it was $50, now it’s $266 million.

(I was fine about this ☝️ until I found out the pizzas had pineapple 🤢)

Let us know if you like pineapple on your pizza.

One lucky winner will get a pizza from the doodhwala! 🥛

Here’s what’s on the menu:

  • 💔 We’re Divorced: Lawyers find 12 BTC

  • 🌪️ Stealing votes: 10,000 votes = $4 million

  • 🥞 Flat-cakes: Crypto is a boring market

  • 🛠️ Resourcewala: The New Kid on the Blockchain

  • 🍼 Warrior class: Nevada man built different

It’s PIZZZAAAAA TIME.

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😭 We're Getting Divorced!

Divorces.

It’s that thing that happens to couples when one of them starts drinking cow milk and the other drinks oat milk.

But have you ever heard of cryptocurrency divorces? 💔

Yup, it’s now very common for couples to hide their crypto holding in cold wallets during divorce proceedings. 🥴

I guess you can call it:

Why are people hiding their crypto in cold wallets from their (soon to be ex-) spouse?

Well, it’s pretty easy to conceal crypto in cold wallets without consequence.⚡ (unless you’re Do Kwon, then you’d choose to shove it up your butt)

But it comes with → The Legal Dilemma

One of the leading stories currently with such involves a certain Divorce proceeding with a New York Couple. 👫

Grab a glass of Doodh, coz it’s about to get spicy 🌶️

  • It starts with a wife (Doodhwali) getting hella sus that her husband (Doodhwala) earns over $3 million a year but doesn’t own a lot of assets. 🤔

  • She then proceeds to consult a “forensic consultant” from New York to help track down his “hidden assets”. 🔒

  • Together they end up finding 12 bitcoins in previously undisclosed assets. 😱

If you take the previous case as an example, a few things become unclear:

👉 How can they split the asset?
👉 What are the laws that govern such cases?
👉 Can they just not get divorced and settle on one kinda doodh?

Like seriously, just choose a brand y’all!? Stop with the Doodh divorces. 🤷‍♂️

It is tho fo sho becoming clear that…determining the fair division of digital assets is a significant challenge for judges + lawyers. ⚠️

A lack of standardized regulations for cryptos adds to the legal confusion and uncertainty. 😕

So, how are they solving this?

Lawyers are now hiring Crypto hunters to trace transactions and uncover hidden digital assets. 🏹

These forensic experts and "crypto hunters" are employed to

▶️ Trace blockchain transactions. 🔎

▶️ Uncover hidden digital assets. 📦

▶️ Bring concealed funds to light. ⚡

Courts now also face the task of balancing privacy concerns with the need to ensure transparency and fair settlements in divorces involving hidden crypto. 🔒

But let’s be honest for a second, who tf names them crypto hunters?

Doodhwala’s take:

We’re no experts in legal 💩, but it is necessary to have a proper way of managing such settlements.

No one walks away disappointed.

Just like buying ice cream from your nearest Baskin Robbins. 🍨

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🔺 $4 million Tornado Cash heist

If you thought your doodhwala sneaking off with an extra carton was bad…wait till you hear about this scam.

It's about a cheeky dude who hijacked Tornado Cash's DAO.

And it’s full-on Vegas casino-style. 🚀

First, wtf is Tornado Cash?

It’s like a crypto version of the friendly neighborhood bank. Except it's cooler, because it's not just any bank — it's a privacy-service that allows you to transfer crypto by mixing it across addresses without leaving a trace.

Now, Tornado Cash operates as a DAO - a Decentralized Autonomous Organization.

The tokens can be locked up to make proposals, like how to use the company's money and stuff like that. This is where the attacker plays smart.

The attacker created a normal looking proposal, but added some extra 'malicious code'. And no one noticed. 🤫

Just like slipping a dash of vodka into that water.

This attacker hid a function called "emergencyStop"(sounds pretty dark, doesn't it?) to alter the logic of the proposal that granted them fake votes.

The result?

Once this proposer won the vote, the attacker essentially had an 'all-access pass', controlling Tornado Cash’s operations as if they suddenly owned the bar!

So, they won the vote + now control the DAO.

What did they do next?

  • Withdrew 10,000 votes as TORN tokens

  • Sell the TORN tokens

  • Make $4 million

But it's important to note that this didn't affect the Tornado Cash protocol itself.

It's more like someone hijacked the board of a company but didn't mess with the actual product.

So, what's next?

Well, Tornado Cash's community is fighting back.

As I write, the Tornado Cash community is rallying, and rolling out new proposals in an effort to undo the damage and safeguard their assets.

Doodhwala’s Take:

These people not only lose a TORNado of tokens but their faith in the system is shaken too. 🌩️

They need more than a hero; they need a solid coder!

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📈 Cheese and Charts: Crypto Volatility Goes Down

Pancakes. Chapatis. A dead person’s heartbeat. The crypto market’s price action right now.

What do all these ☝️ have in common?

They’re all flat AF.

Yup, the crypto market is flatter than the letter I wrote to my childhood crush back in 5th grade, and she didn’t even open it. (I need a minute 😢)

For the past year, the crypto market’s volatility has gone done rapidly. 📉

And we’re not just talking about prices taking a beating. We’re talking about prices not moving that much no matter which direction (pump or dump).

This could be because:

  1. Newbies are leaving/not entering

  2. Bulls and bears are growing tired

  3. Regulatory pressure is increasing

  4. The doodhwala is making 💩 memes

We don’t really know. 🤷 

Do you? Reply and let us know.

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🛠 Resourcewala: veTokens - The New Kid on the Blockchain

Every now and then, something pops up in the cryptoverse that makes everyone go "WTF is that?" 🤷‍♂️

And just like your mom's sudden interest in NFTs, veTokens have become the latest buzzword.

They're gaining traction in the DeFi space, and you NEED to know what's up with these bad boys. Today’s resourcewala:

  • What are veTokens?

  • The rise and rise of veTokens

  • How do veTokens work?

LFG! 🔥🔥🔥

🍼 Doodhshots: Nevada man built different

  • 😷 Meta-masked: Meta mask wallet causes confusion after-tax holding announcement. Masking the truth?

  • 💭 Balaji’s Prediction: Balaji Srinivasan says US elections in 2024 will be fought over bitcoin. C’mon another prediction man?

  • 🏜️ Nevada Shenanigans: A man from Nevada is facing decades in prison over crypto fraud of $45 million. Man, Nevada folk built different.

  • 🇺🇸 Biden Says: Pres. Joe Biden says he won’t agree to a plan which supports wealthy crypto traders. Good thing my account size is $4 then.

  • 📉 SBF Book: Michael Lewis, author of the Big Short, says he’s almost ready to publish his book on Sam-Bankman Fried. Can’t wait to read it!

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🤣 Milky Meme Of The Day

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That’s all for today folks! See ya tomorrow!

Yo! Our legal and financial advisors (aka our good ol’ conscience) have asked us to add this boring disclaimer. None of what you read here is financial advice. We aren’t here to get you to buy or sell crypto. We’re only here to tell you what’s up in crypto today and make you laugh. So, if you screwed up on a trade, that’s on you G. Stay safe in the markets.

Today’s edition was brought to you by Ritik Gupta and Sumanth