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- 🫳 Get Your FTX Money Back
🫳 Get Your FTX Money Back
PLUS: The Sharktank Judge Hacked
Gm, this is doodhwala, the crypto newsletter that gives you the same kick as drinking Monster Energy and Red Bull first thing in the morning. 🔥
LET’S CONQUER THE DAY! 🤬
Here’s what we got for you today:
🤨 SBF Did What?: SBF Acting Hella Sus In Court + Get Your FTX Money Back
🤦♂️ Cuban Scam: Mark Cuban Just Got His Wallet Drained
📈 Cheese and Charts: Where Is All The Gas?
🛠️ Resourcewala: How does Liquidity Affect Market Crashes?
🍼 Doodhshots: Kim Jong’s Hackers Are Unstoppable!
🤺 Let The SBF CLAIMS – Begin!
The Bernie Madoff of crypto is back in action. 🤡
Well, not action.
But he surely is putting up a good-ACTING face. 🤔
We’re talking about the Bernie Madoff of crypto – Sam Bankman Fried, part-time crypto exchange founder. Full-time crook and orgy island operator.
SBF is now using “Mind Tricks” to save himself from a lifetime jail sentence. 🧠
With multiple things being unveiled about the truth of FTX, we’re answering a few questions:
How is he gonna save himself?
How are people going to get paid their money?
Oh, and just so you know- The FTX claims portal is up and running. 🤯 🤯 🤯
Go claim your money now! 💰
1️⃣ FTX claims have begun. Get your money!
Did your account get f***ed due to FTX?
Feel like you'll never get that money back?
Well, it's still possible that you cannot get that money back. 😬
But hey, you can now go to their claims website and drop in your account details to put up a claim.
Make sure you get that done quickly, because the deadline is approaching soon!
When is it?
September 29th.
I mean, in all honesty, the website is kinda useless.
Anyone can drop a claim right now. 🤷♂️
Look, we even got Blockfolio and Alameda out here claiming $1.7 trillion! 💀👇
Blockfolio out here filing FTX claims for $1.7 trillion
— Shual (@0xShual)
Sep 17, 2023
2️⃣ What’s SBF doing with the courts?
Anyways, coming back to SBF acting wuss — He's using the forbidden tactic in court. 🥷
Effective Altruism.
What does that mean?
He's basically trying to let the court know that he was a “Generous Billionaire” and his plans were to give away all of his wealth. 💀
Why?
Well because it's a stupid attempt by his lawyers to convey to the jury the – “SBF = Save the World” narrative.
Yeah. Man. Not gonna work. 👎
Trust me, I did the same to convey that to my mom when I wanted to become an ‘Entrepreneur’. I received multiple flying flip-flops on the face for the next 2 business hours NGL. 🩴
Wait till I tell her I’m a doodhwala now. 😑
3️⃣ SBF acting hella sus in jail.
Oh, it doesn't end there.
SBF is trying to put on the sympathy face in jail, talking about the gruesome conditions he has to face.
He's also trying to convey through his lawyers that his ADHD is affecting his:
eye contact
body language
physical behavior
Ohh…yeah…sorry that jail’s been rough for you man, and your pretty face is getting pimples.
Maybe you should’ve thought about that BEFORE commingling billions of dollars of customer funds! 🤷♂️
Just saying!
Lawyers are also trying to push the prosecutors to answer from their end the question —
“Is it unfair to donate to political campaigns and lobbyists to help their interests?”
That's like 2 criminals asking each other - whose worse? 💀
Doodhwala's take: Man, can this FTX show just end?
I'm waiting for the Netflix movie. 🤭
✊ Crypto Is Not Dead! We’ll Show You
Is crypto dead? 😭
Uhhh despite what your uncle tells you on WhatsApp, it isn’t. It’s very much alive.
Don’t believe us? 🤔
Head on over to – Unfold 2023 by CoinDCX – to find out more.
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It has:
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🤦♂️ Cuban Got Scammed
Hope you had a great weekend guys.
But one man definitely didn’t have a great weekend.
Who? Mark Cuban.
The billionaire who owns the Dallas Mavericks got scammed.
Even the billionaires aren’t safe. Should I feel happy or sad?
Here’s the full story:
WazzCrypto, a crypto detective, noticed something odd.🕵️
He saw Mark's wallet, which had been quiet for 160 days, suddenly become active.
Lmao, did Mark Cuban's wallet just get drained?
Wallet inactive for 160 days and all assets just moved
— Wazz (@WazzCrypto)
Sep 15, 2023
People started sharing pictures of Mark's wallet showing Ethereum transactions. 📸
And then, the news source confirmed that Mark's hacked! 😱
He lost a whopping $870,000!
Soon he got an email about the hack and he acted fast and moved his $2 million USDC to a safer place → Coinbase.
He did save some of his crypto on Polygon. 😅
But he lost some others like stablecoins:
Lido-staked ETH – stETH
SuperRare – RARE
Ethereum Name Service – ENS 😢
So, how tf did all this happen?
It seems Mark downloaded a fake version of MetaMask.
What’s happening with MetaMask lately?
Last week the government websites were redirecting to a fake MetaMask website where wallets were getting fu^ked empty by scammers.
We wrote all about it here.
Coming back to Cuban.
So while he thought he was organizing his account, he was actually losing his crypto.
Mark's always been vocal about one thing: blockchain is public.
When things are decentralized, everyone can see everything.
Not EVERYTHING tho. 🤭
And this time, that transparency saved him from losing even more.
Because everything was out in the open, smart folks noticed the scam and raised the alarm.
Doodhwala’s Take:
Always be careful when you download apps. 📲
Being open and public in crypto can definitely help. 🌟
And Mark? He's still figuring things out, just like us. 📚
Don’t know if he’s drinking doodh or not. Nah, he must be.🥛
📈 Cheese and Charts: Gas Changes - Old vs New
Remember when you thought bell-bottom jeans were a thing?
Yeah, times change, and so does the crypto space.
Let's rewind a bit, shall we? 🔄
🗓️ January 2022:
Total $ETH Gas Used: $700 million 📊
NFTs' Share: 30% or $200 million (they were really popular!) 🐱
🗓️ September 2023:
NFTs: Barely sipping on that gas. Like, seriously, they're on a gas diet or something. 🥤🚫
So, what's taken the place?
DeFi, with over 60% of the gas consumed.
If you're wondering, "What's DeFi?" 🤔 - It's like online banking, but without the middleman. 📄
And NFTs account for less than 10% of the gas consumed.
Change is the only constant (and doodh), right?🥛
Who knows what's next? Maybe bell-bottoms will make a comeback. What do YOU think? DeFi or NFTs? 🤷♂️
(Share your thoughts below👇)
Source: Artemis
🛠 Resourcewala: How Does Liquidity Affect Market Crashes?
Raise your hand if market crashes have personally victimized you. 🙋♂️
Now, keep it raised if you've wondered why the heck it happens! 🤷♀️
Everyone's playing the blame game - from whales 🐳 to noobs 🤓.
But ever thought about LIQUIDITY! 💦
Before you go, "Doodhwala, what's liquidity got to do with my portfolio shitting?", let’s break the ice:
What does liquidity really mean?🥤
How does this impact market ups and downs? 🌊
Why every trader, investor, and their dog should care?💰
PLUS: How can we protect ourselves?
🍼 Doodhshots: Kim Jong Un-stoppable?
😠 Reimburse Me: Coinbase has apparently earned $1 million amidst the Curve hack by running a node but hasn’t reimbursed victims. Was BASE not enough as a revenue source, Brian?
😱 Big Steal: The infamous North Korean Lazarus group has hacked over $240 million in just the past 100 days. Kim Jong Un-stoppable?
😴 Hello Sleepdrops: Blockfence and Forta network have unveiled a new hack called Sleepdrops, which has caused over $11.5 million in losses. Nighty night, crypto bros!
🥷 CZ’s Coverup: CZ says that Brian Shroder, CEO of Binance US, left because he’s taking a ‘much-deserved break’. Yeah sure CZ, completely not because there’s anything sus.
🙁 Testnet Failure: Ethereum’s new testnet called “Holesky” just had a flop launch, and is expected to re-launch in the next 2 weeks. Focus, commitment, and sheer will bois!
🤣 Milky Meme Of The Day
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That’s all for today folks! See ya tomorrow!
Yo! Our legal and financial advisors (aka our good ol’ conscience) have asked us to add this boring disclaimer. None of what you read here is financial advice. We aren’t here to get you to buy or sell crypto. We’re only here to tell you what’s up in crypto today and make you laugh. So, if you screwed up on a trade, that’s on you G. Stay safe in the markets.