🎁 FREE MERCH: doodhwala style

Gm, this is the doodhwala, the only crypto newsletter that’ll give you merch for free.

You read it right — for FREE. Keep reading 👀

Here’s what we got for you today:

• 🎁 BIG SURPRISE!!!

• 😡 Worst Exchange IN THE WORLD

• 👻 Coinbase is SUPER terrified!

• 🏀 Michael Jordan of Blockchains

• 🤣 Milky Meme of the Day

WE'RE SOOO HAPPPPY 🎉🎉🎉

📢 REFER AND WIN some doodhwala merch 📢

For the first time evaaa, we're giving away the doodhwala merch.

But it's not lame t-shirts with some random company name, but super cool stuff like:

😜 stickers – for your 💻, 📱 and 🚽📘 notebooks – to write your crush's name🍺 mugs – for your doodh, and NOT your beer!!👕 t-shirts – with totally non-controversial things (promise 😉)🧥 hoodies – because we wanna keep you warm in the crypto 🥶 winter🎁 mystery box – with some super cool prizes that’s worth more than 1 Bitcoin

Chegg it 👇

For every confirmed referral (i.e. they confirm their email and drag it to their “Primary” tab from their “Promotions” or “Updates” tab) you’ll get some 🤤 merch.

All you gotta do is share the doodhwala with this link 👇

😡 Worst Exchange IN THE WORLD

Thanks to these crypto hedge fund managers, dozens of crypto companies went bankrupt.

Now, they’re launching an exchange to trade bankruptcy claims.

If this isn’t the stupidest thing in crypto, idk what is.

Meet Su and Kyle:

• co-founders of 3 Arrows Capital (3AC), a crypto hedge fund:

• owes $3.5 billion to many many crypto lending companies

• triggered the crypto market collapse

• total pieces of 💩

Now, they’re launching an exchange. Actually, it’s the 2ND exchange their launching in the past 2 months.

But this one, OH! THIS ONE is hella different. 👀

This one is called — Open Exchange — and it's different from EVERY. SINGLE. CRYPTO. EXCHANGE. IN THE. WORLD.

Most crypto exchanges allow you to trade → cryptocurrencies (duh! 🤷‍♂️)

Trading cryptocurrencies in these ways:

🪙 spot trading📑 perpetual trading🤑 derivatives gambling

But Open Exchange is offering a new kinda trading. One that 3AC knows a little tooo well.

They’re offering 👉 trading of bankruptcy claims in 💣 crypto companies.

Tf is a Bankruptcy Claim?

👉 Basically, Open Exchange will allow customers (people like you and me 😭 ) who got 💩 on by crypto lending companies to USE the amount they are owed.

They can “use” their claims in 2 ways:

1️⃣ Trade it: Trade it for crypto2️⃣ Collateral: Use it as collateral to trade derivatives

🤦‍♂️

Users will be allowed to trade the bankruptcy claims they have in these companies 👇

Does anyone see what I’m seeing here 👆?

✅ 3AC is RIGHT THERE (as a bankrupt company)!!

✅ 3AC owes ~$2.5 billion to the BIGGEST LENDER — Genesis – and was partly to blame for the collapse of Celsius, BlockFi, and Voyager.

✅ Only ONE of these companies did not blow up in the past 12 months — Mt.Gox

With Terra Luna, 3AC is among the top-2 dominos (those things that fall down one after the other, and not the 🍕 place) that caused this crash. That resulted in these bankruptcies.

And now they’re allowing people to trade it!!

That’s like if some dude blew up all the cars in his neighbourhood (and the Genesis neighbourhood, and the Vauld neighbourhood, and the Celisus neighbourhood...) and then said, “look I’m setting up this marketplace for you to trade the insurance of the cars I blew up. I’m such a nice guy, right? #LoveMe”

Like wtf? You caused this bruh.

Take some responsibility. 😡

Not only are they walking around FREE and without guilt, Su Zhu is portraying this exchange as a “service to trapped claimants”

Doodhwala’s take:

We can't even understand bankruptcy claims let alone trade them for shitcoins on an exchange created by the most bankrupt people in the world.

So, we're staying TF away from Open Exchange! And you should too. 🤝

🎮 Gameswala: WHO TF ARE THEY?

Can you guess the person in this picture?

(the one with the cool blue bag ofc)

Hint: He is responsible for everyone talking about AI rn. From your school friends to your naani. 🤷‍♂️ He is the CEO of OpenAI, the company behind ChatGPT. 😎

(answer given at the bottom of this email 👇)

👻 SEC continues to spook Coinbase

Which is the scariest movie you have ever watched?

Conjuring? Exorcist? Ragini MMS? (OGs know the last one 😉)

Whatever it may be…this man is NOT afraid to watch it. 👇

But you know what this man is REALLY afraid of?

S-E-C. 😬

Wait…who tf is this sastha Bezos and what’s an SEC?

This ☝️ is Brain Armstrong, CEO of the second largest centralized crypto exchange in the world, Coinbase.

Basically, if you are doing anything with large of amounts money, they are watching you. 👀

So why is Brian scared of them? 🤨

Recently, there have been rumors about SEC planning to ban centralized crypto staking in the U.S. 🇺🇸

Crypto staking 👉 you deposit and lock a bunch of your crypto for period of time in exchange for interest on your investment.

Kraken, another centralized exchange that provides staking service had to shut their staking operations yesterday, due to the SEC. 😬

And currently Coinbase is the second largest staking platform for ETH tokens with over $1.7 BILLION staked. 🤯

So if the SEC bans it, Coinbase will be in deeep 💩.

No wonder Brian Armstrong is losing his hair over it (oh wait 😅).

And what’s worse?

Most of the value from Coinbase will start moving to decentralized staking services like Lido, which is the current market leader with over $7.5 billion in ETH staked.

In fact, ever since these rumours got out, the prices of the native token of these decentralized platforms shot up!

And it’s been a HUGE boon for them. 🚀

It’s clearly a tough time for Coinbase rn:

• Mass layoffs

• Their NFT platform tanking

• Now…staking future uncertain

Hopefully, Brian and his team will be able to persuade the SEC with arguments he made in the tweet below. 👇

But, it’s going to a PRETTY hard sell. Fingers crossed. 🤞

📈 Chaach and Charts: Solana makes a comeback

Solana.Steve Smith.Michael Jordan.

These ☝️ are some of the greatest comebacks in the history of comebacks.

And today, we’re talking about one of them.

(the only one that doesn’t have a documentary on its comeback, seriously check out The Last Dance and The Test, they’re 🔥)

So is Solana. After an 💩 few months with — its major backer (FTX) blowing up, hacks and drains, and 2 of its biggest NFT projects saying “seeya Solana,” the L1 is back.

Just take a look at the transactions per second on Solana 👇

🗓️ January 6 — 2800 TPS🗓️ January 26 — 4000 TPS🗓️ February 8 — 4500 TPS

Chegg it 👇

🛠 Resourcewala: The Importance of Metaverse

From Zuck at Facebook to our Nadella at Microsoft, everyone is talking about the metaverse. 🤷‍♂️

Each of them wants to create it faster than the other. (and stuff it down our throat)

Because we have been told that the potential is IMMENSE! 🔥

But is it really true? Or is it just another scam? We explore this in today’s EPIC resource! 🚀

All your metaverse Qs will be answered:

• What’s a metaverse?

• Do we even need it?

• What can we do with it?

• Can you sell taaza doodh there? 🥛

So, check it out now 👇

🥛 Crypto Doodhshots: A dating metaverse? FINALLY.

• 🎤 Ri-Ri on the Blockchain: Rihanna’s 2015 song “🐶 Better Have My Money” is turning into a fractionalized NFT with anotherblock (guess that’s one way to get your money)

• ❤️ Hilton Dating: Paris Hilton is launching “Parisland” a dating metaverse through The Sandbox game (let’s just hope stays aren’t limited to 1 Night In Parisland IYKYK)

• 🐍 Cracking down on Kraken: Crypto exchange Kraken will pay a $30 million fine to the US SEC and shut down its crypto staking service within the USA (guess we can’t Unleash The Kraken?)

• 🤐 Stable suspect: Paxos, the company that issues stablecoins like BUSD and USDP, is investigated by the NY Financial Services dept for obtaining a bank charter (Binance in hot water again?)

• 🙏 FTX’s Life Coach (no joke): Corrupt crypto exchange FTX had a life coach to help build a “more sustainable work environment,” (too bad it didn’t help them NOT rob billions).

😂 Milky Meme Of The Day

Now you know 😉

💰Answer💰

Let us know what you think 👇

If you want more doodh then, be sure to follow our Twitter, our LinkedIn, and our Instagram.

That’s all for today bhaiyo aur bheno! Naale Sigona!

Aakash "Dahi Cheeni" Athawasya & Arvind "Doodh Peda" Krishna

Yo! Our legal and financial advisors (aka our good ol’ conscience) have asked us to add this boring disclaimer.

None of what you read here is financial advice. We aren’t here to get you to buy or sell a crypto. We’re only here to tell you what’s up in crypto today and make you laugh. So, if you screwed up on a trade, that’s on you G. Stay safe in the markets.