📉 Crypto Crimes are DOWN

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Gm, this is Doodhwala, the only crypto that’s like a McDonald’s Happy Meal. We give you the meat and the toy. 🫶

Here’s what we got for you:

• 📞 Ring Ring Criminals: Crypto crimes are DOWN bad

• 😠 Temper Temper: This bankrupt crypto lender just sued this LSD

• 📈 Cheese and Charts: NFTs have never been down bad-der

• 🛠️ Quietly growing: This blockchain is up 4x in 3 months 

• 🍼 Doodhshots: Indian GOV thinks this crypto coin is a threat!

Happy Meal with nuggets anyone? 👀

📉 Crypto Crime Ain’t What It Used To Be

In the past year, a lot has changed:

• Argentina finally WON the World Cup

• Every tech company became an AI company

• The term “doodhwala” is now considered a compliment

But the most significant change is – CRYPTO CRIME is down.

What’s even more significant is – CRYPTO CRIME is down while CRYPTO PRICES are up. 🤯

Yup, here’s how much was stolen by crypto criminals in 2022 vs 2023:

🗓️ January to June 2022: $8.03 billion

🗓️ January to June 2023: $2.8 billion

(✍️ note to self: are we in the wrong industry?!?)

THAT’S A 65% ($5.2 billion) fall in just one year!!

In previous market cycles – whenever prices went up 🤝 crypto crimes also went up. But in this market, the opposite has happened.

📈 Crypto Prices → up by 80%

📉 Crypto Crimes → down by 65%

🤩

But it’s not a straightforward decline in crypto crime while prices remain high. Here are 3 trends were looking at:

1️⃣ So many KINDA crimes

Crypto has a TON of different crimes, and I’m not even counting the ones that sell fake doodh to people (like oatmilk 🤢)!

Here are the common crypto crimes:

1. HACKS: When a crypto protocol/exchange is hacked by a malicious third-party

2. SCAMS: A scam created with the objective of defrauding people

3. RANSOMWARE: A malware that hacks computers, asks for a ransom

4. IMPERSONATION: When a hacker impersonates a celebrity to steal crypto

5. DOODH: A scam where people sell fake doodh/merch from the doodhwala

(please 🙏 stay away from #5)

All of these ☝️ scams (except ransomware) scams went down 📉 in 2023.

2️⃣ SCAMS are down bad

Wait, what are scams? How are they different from hacks?

And scams are DOWN. BAD. Take a look:

🗓️ January to June 2022: $4.3 billion

🗓️ January to June 2023: $0.9 billion

That’s a 77% drop in one year and it’s because two of the largest crypto scams disappeared from 2022 to 2023:

• VidiLook

• Chia Tai Tianqing Pharmaceutical Financial Management

Damn, that second one is a mouthful. 😵‍💫

Both these scams operated in the same way a scam would – sky-high promises but no rewards. In fact, VidiLook gave native VDL tokens to users for watching digital ADs. And they ended up scamming users for $120 million. 🤡

3️⃣ RANSOMWARE the only RISER

The only crypto crime that’s still surging is – ransomware hacks.

🗓️ January to June 2022: $280 million

🗓️ January to June 2023: $450 million

Last year, one of the biggest hacks in crypto happened due to a ransomware attack on an employee of a large blockchain network. This led to a hack of over $650 million from the Ronin Bridge, the blockchain behind Axie Infinity.

But after this hack, ransomware attacks started targeting smaller fish. 🐟

The average size of a ransomware attacker has decreased to $500 (in 2023) from $850 (in 2022).

These 👆 hackers are targeting more people at a smaller payout.

Doodhwala’s take:

The doodhwala is super happy that crimes are going down. We might even break out the WHOLE-FAT milk for this one!

Now, we gotta find that fake dude selling fake doodh. 😤

💰One Dashboard For ALL Your Crypto

When June moves to July and umbrellas come out, you know what season is approaching right?

It starts with an M.

I’m not talking about Monsoon. ☔️

I’m talking about Money. 💰

Yup, it’s the Money season. For the government.

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🤒 Celsius Is Dropping Temperatures For Money!

Y'all remember Celsius? 🤔

The huuuuuuuuuge crypto company that went bankrupt last year?

Guess what!

Celsius wants to show everyone that they're still relevant, with money. 🤐

Maybe that's why they're suing Stakehound for $150 million!

What does this mean for Celsius? Or Stakehound?

Drop your Celsius, right here, right now! 😤🌡️

1️⃣ Celsius and its allegation against Stakehound

Celsius sued Stakehound with $150 million for failing to return tokens that they owed. 🔁

Here's what Stakehound owes—

👉 55,000 ETH

👉 50 million MATIC

👉 66,000 DOT

…bringing everyone to think about such an important question—

Who dafaq even holds Polkadot anymore? 💀

Not just that, this money is something that Celcius had given Stakehound in the past. 🤷

Celcius had swapped the above tokens for → stTokens.

So this is a — Give me back the money I swapped with you years ago scenario?

Okay got it. 🤝

2️⃣ “Hella Money= Hella Charges” - Sun Tzu, Art of War

It's not surprising at all as to why they chose to get back at Stakehound.

They're into liquid staking!

If you haven't been catching up with the uptrend—📈

Liquid staking is making waves in the market, and also 💰💰💰.

And the golden rule of suing somebody is to ensure that they steal every buck outta them. 🫰

But that's not actually the scene with Stakehound. 💀

Stakehound got rekt a long time back and had stopped transactions on their stTokens.

This is what they said 2 years ago👇

3️⃣ Why Stakehound? Why now?

We know what you're thinking. 🤔

Holdup doodh, doesn't Stakehound sound guilty in this scenario? Celcius = Legit?

2 answers.

Absolutely - Celcius is 100% right to ask for the tokens that they staked with Stakehound.

However- They ain't so legit themselves. Why else would they be Bankrupt? 💀

Their creditors are facing a wtf do I do now moment. 👇

Not just that, how successful would one bankrupt company be in extracting money out of another bankrupt company?

It's all throwing old milk in the trash y'all.

Always stick to fresh doodh is what say, amirite? 🥛🐄

📈 Cheese and Charts: NFTs Down Bad

It’s not even surprising that NFTs are BEYOND rekt at this point! 📉

It’s like purchasing doodh from a brand that you know will not taste well.🥛😣

Well guess when you dive into the data:

You begin to realize that the total REKT-ness is different across different projects.

Here’s an example - Azuki is more Rekt than most other Bluechip NFTs.

Why? We wrote the whole story here.

Traditional Finance solved this problem a long time back - By building Indexes.

Even though the story is still the same, it’s way different than showing the individual ones that are getting screwed.🤷

What does an ideal index say? Here’s what we found:

👉 Average movement of NFT Floor price, Bluechip NFTs, and varying premiums.

👉 The above 3 parameters went down from over 100 in valuation at the beginning of the year.

👉 Current Index hovering around 60, nowhere close to where it once was.

What do you think of having Indexes for NFTs? Hit reply and let us know your thoughts! 💪

Meanwhile, cheggout an index we found.👇

🛠️ Resourcewala: Let’s zkSync Up

zkSync.

No, it’s not the name of a new rapper. It’s the name of a zero-knowledge rollup scaling solution for the Ethereum blockchain.

And it’s making big waves.

The number of transactions on zkSync has gone up from:

🗓️ April 2023 – 240,000

🗓️ July 2023 – 840,000

But we’ve got a few questions:

• What is zkSync?

• What is the technology behind zkSync?

• How is zkSync different from other blockchains?

And we’ve got answers. 👇

🍼 Doodhshots: Government Selling Silkroad BTC?

• 🇮🇳 Stable Attack: Indian RBI deputy governor Rabi Shankar said that stablecoins pose an existential threat to sovereignty. Incoming ban soon?

• 🚶‍♀️ Moving Matters: Silkroad BTC is on the move again, but is the government moving it or selling it? Too silky, not milky.

• 🎵 New bars: Rapper Snoop Dogg and a16z back $20 million seed funding for Web3 music app. Drop it like it’s hot!

• 🎨 NFT Refunds: Blockchain gaming startup Spielworks has launched a program that allows full refunds of NFT purchases. How long is the return period tho? Asking for a friend.

• 🫂 Coinbase Community: Coinbase launches a new in-app feature that allows direct messaging and conversations. Zoom, Whatsapp, Telegram, Discord → Coinbase messages.

🤣 Milky Meme Of The Day

If you want more doodh then, be sure to follow our Twitter, LinkedIn, and Instagram.

That’s all for today folks! See ya tomorrow!

Yo! Our legal and financial advisors (aka our good ol’ conscience) have asked us to add this boring disclaimer. None of what you read here is financial advice. We aren’t here to get you to buy or sell crypto. We’re only here to tell you what’s up in crypto today and make you laugh. So, if you screwed up on a trade, that’s on you G. Stay safe in the markets.

Today’s edition was brought to you by Ritik Gupta and Sumanth

Edited by: Arvind Krishna and Aakash Athawasya